Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize