this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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