just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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