I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
