Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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