Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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