Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
