Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
