I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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