Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
