Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
