boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
