Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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