I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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