She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
