You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
