11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
