My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
