i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
