It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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