Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
