I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize