just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
