its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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