I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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