They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
