Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
