her vagine was all disorganized.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
