1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
