You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's shark week go big or go home
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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