Swine flu. Run for my life!
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
