Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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