I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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