so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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