the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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