I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
