so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
why is half of my head shaved?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
