i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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