Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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