it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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