puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
