I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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