Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
