Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
