the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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