your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
