Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
