im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
