So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize