bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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