Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
