I can tuck mytits in my pants
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize