Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
