i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
