its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize