During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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