covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
