well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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