we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
