You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
