i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
