we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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